Philosopher

Martin Buber (1878 - 1965)

What They Have in Common

Because Marc painstakingly examines the relationship between his feelings and the outside world, I picked a philosopher concerned with these relationships.

On-air Synopsis Copy

Buber believes there are two ways of addressing another: I-it and I-thou.

I-it always implies the other is lesser than you. You use past experience to make snap judgments about them. It is the most efficient way to navigate life, but is empty and transactional. In the best cases, this looks like haggling with a mechanic. He says “This costs 500,” and you say “Mechanics usually charge 200.” No one can blame you for making your savings priority, but the goal is to get what you want. In the worst cases, this could be pathological narcissism, and follow-through to vicious manipulation.

I-thou implies the other is an equal. You address them with no ego, selfishness nor desire, but with selflessness. These I-thou acts involve much more emotional intelligence, and cannot be used in every interaction, as life requires making judgments to survive. But taking the time to love someone, saying “I love you,” is a selfless act. You humble yourself before the other, showing them you bring no ego between you.

I-thou is not just for romantic or family relationships. It is the only state where we can truly learn, grow and be creative because our ego is out of the way. We must remove the selfishness from our own viewpoint in order to be humbled by new information, feelings, modes of expression. In this way, art and self-expression can only be truly achieved through the I-thou.

You must have a thou to truly understand I.

Quote from the Buber

“There are three principles in a man's being and life, the principle of thought, the principle of speech, and the principle of action. The origin of all conflict between me and my fellow-men is that I do not say what I mean and I don't do what I say.